


Hard Wired Anxiety

by cornerandchair



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 22:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11610483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cornerandchair/pseuds/cornerandchair
Summary: Everyone has some anxiety.Whether it's because you're probably the dumbest person on a ship full of geniusesOr you feel like you've failed your last remaining familyOr you just want to go home... Or if it's been programmed right into your brain.





	Hard Wired Anxiety

Only a few are ever chosen. All the tests, the prodding, the weeding. The _pain_. They kept moulding me into something else. Something different. Something that they said was better. They never asked me what I thought. I just wanted to prove them wrong.

They told me to be faster. So I became _the fastest_.

They told me to be smarter. So I became _the smartest_.

They told me to be better. So I became _the best_.

They told me no one had ever escaped the facility. So I-  
_I’m not good enough. I can’t do this._  
I didn’t.

They said to remain calm and emotionless in any situation. So I-  
_I’m not good enough. I can’t do this._  
I didn’t.

Minkowski told me to isolate a grid for serious repair work. So I-  
_I’m not good enough. I can’t do this._  
I couldn’t.

I tried to be the fastest, the smartest, the best bu- but-

“Gaaaah!” Eiffel pulled his hand away from the comms panel, narrowly avoiding a nasty shock. “Ugh. I’m the Communications Officer and I _should_ know what all of this does-”

“- But you never bothered to read all of the instructions. And it’s a little late now since _someone_ accidentally vented the manual through the airlock.”

He frowned, “Gee, thanks for the reminder, Hera.” Eiffel groaned. “I'm just not good enough! I can't _do_ this! I don’t have a brain the size of a house like yours, I’m definitely not as good with remembering things like Minkowski, and… Well, I mean, I’m not _a lot_ of things that Hilbert is.”

“Normally I'd agree with you, Eiffel. But I know you can do this.” I said. “You _are_ good enough. You _can_ do this. Like uuuh… Luke from Star Wars, and the force or whatever? Use that, Eiffel.”

He laughed. “Thanks, Hera…” Eiffel took a deep breath. “You always know what to say to me.” He sat back up, “Alright, let’s get back to this. Help me out here.”

“Third wire on th- the left. No! No, your _other_ left!”

“That’s my right!”

“So- sorry! I was sure I had that mapped right.”

He laughed, giving me a large silly smile. “Hey, It's okay. We all make mistakes, sometimes."

I tried to keep the station running to the best after I got rebooted but I- I-

“I'm sorry...” Dr. Hilbert groaned out. “I'm sorry, zaichik… I tried...” He looked ready to die, and maybe he was.

“Dr. Hilbert.” I cut into his moping.

He raised his head a bit. “Hera… to what do I owe the pleasure.”

“You know I hate you. And I would still _gladly_ vent you into space through a hole the size of a quarter. But Dr. Hilbert. You need to _stop whining!_ ” I hoped my words cut deep, but the scientist just seemed to smile. “We need you around to help Eiffel, and- and for some reason he got his stupid team “What’s wrong with handcuffs”, but-”

“What?” He stared up at the ceiling. “What will you do, Hera?”

“Nothing. Eiffel doesn’t want you hurt. I respect that. I was going to say that you should at least _try_ to return the favor. Stop acting like you’re going to die. Because you still have a job to do. Keeping him healthy… And It sounds like you also have another person you should live for. “Zaichik”... Is that what you call your sister?”

His glossed over eyes suddenly became sharp, angry. “You overheard that conversation?”

“Yeah I did! You of _all_ people should know I’m everywhere in this station, now let me make my point already.”

“... Fine. Say your peace and leave me alone.”

“Thank you.” I sighed. “Officer Eiffel thinks that you can be _better_. I don’t know if I agree with that, but I believe in Eiffel. So- S- Stop moping around. Become good enough for Eiffel’s belief in you! If… If not for Eiffel, then do it for your _sister_.”

Hilbert remained silent. But I saw the twinge of emotion. I’d hit some part of his shriveled heart.

I wanted to do my best to help repair the station. So I- I-

“ _God dammit!_ ” Lovelace slammed a fist into the wall of the airlock. “Why won’t it _work_?”

Lovelace losing her temper wasn’t unusual, but this... 

“Uhm. Captain Lovelace?”

She smoothed her wild hair back with a hand. “What, Hera?”

“Maybe… Take a break? Everyone else has gone to sleep, and all this can’t be good for your heart rate, think of your deadman’s switch.”

She bared her teeth at what she thought was my nearest optical sensor. “I don’t have time for that! I _need_ to get this boat fixed! I need to go home!”

“Captain. With _all due respect_ -”

“-Ha!” She threw her head back. “Right, “all due respect” Don’t make me laugh. I know you don’t like me. Hell, you probably like “ _Hilbert_ ” more than you like me.” Lovelace gave my optical sensor a snide look. “Why should I listen to anything from you anyway?”

I huffed, “Because I’m the Hephaestus’s Mother Program. Commander Minkowski, Officer Eiffel, and yes, even _Dr. Hilbert_ are apart of the crew that I was assigned to keep alive and safe. And if you _really_ want off this ship, then you really need to get it together, Captain!”

She didn’t respond.

So I continued. “If you want off you have to realize that you can’t fix that ship by yourself. You’ll have to deal with Eiffel’s special brand of ineptitude, my b- buggy programing, and Commander Minkowski- who, I might add, was _already_ overworked by the time you got here, and you’re really not doing us any favors by holding that bomb over our heads!”

Lovelace crossed her arms. Her eyes darted back towards the door to her ship and the door to the Hephaestus. “Damn…”

“Exactly.”

“Alright. I’ll play. What do you think I should do?”

“Get some rest. You can start working in the morning after you’ve slept a bit. Minkowski’s scheduled to help tomorrow, so at the very least you two will be able to reliably bounce ideas off of each other. With help you’ll be able to fix your ship… Just believe that w- we’re good enough.”

Then she… smiled. Like she actually smiled. “I’ll take your advice.” She paused and crossed her arms. “ _For now._ Goodnight, Hera.”

“Goodnight, Captain.”

Then Dr. Maxwell found that th- th-  
_I can’t do this. I’m not good enough._  
Thing Dr. Pryce put in my head.

Anxiety, she called it. Hard wired anxiety.

But she helped me. She helped me as much as she could.  
She taught me to isolate it. To ig- i- ignore it.

It's really hard. And it h- h- hurts sometimes. But...  
I c- c- _can_ do this. I- I’m- I- I _AM_ good enough.


End file.
